Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A Few Tips and Techniques

In all my life.....I have loved cleaning......stop laughing!! I do!! And by "I love cleaning" I mean.....I avoid it with every fiber of my being.....at all costs.....at any expense!! Nothing warms my heart more than seeing a shiny floor that I've just swept and mopped to perfection......get mud tracked on by the dog......and then puked on by the cat.....and then food and/or drink dribbled all over by the kid!! There is no greater satisfaction than spending 47 days scrubbing and waxing.....shining and buffing every surface......just to have it get dirty again in a mere 3.2 seconds!! No really.....it's one of my greatest passions!!

So.....being the queen of clean that I am.......I thought I would share with you all my wealth of knowledge.....tips and tricks I've learned.....techniques that allow me to have such a spotless home......you know......other than the fact that I spend probably a whole second or so a day cleaning....(I know it's a lot.....but it's a gift I give my family!!)

  • Always drag your feet when walking through your home!! Not only does this count as sweeping the floor......on carpet the static builds up and you can use that jolt of electricity to awaken your teen at the crack of 2pm!! Additionally......every once in a while.....the dog hair builds up and when you drag your feet enough....a nice fur ball builds and said fur ball makes wonderful stuffing....this is how I stuffed our couch so full and fluffy!!
  • When forced to use the boy's potty......wipe away the splash zone before using the facility with their hand towel....this makes it just moist enough to wipe away the tooth paste that is smeared all over the vanity....it's a 2fer1.....the toothpaste and pee mixture acts as a detergent and bam-boom......clean vanity!!! As an additional benefit......the guys won't know after reading this if I truly do this or if it's a joke......and I'll never have to clean their bathroom.....ever......again!!!
  • Have a bunch of children!!! See......I didn't consider this carefully enough during child bearing years!!! If I had had more children......I would have had more slaves.....I mean darlings to force to clean.....I mean share the chores!!! Darn!!! Do you think I'm too old for a quartet?????
  • When you've avoided laundry long enough.....they will wear their underwear twice!! Oh c'mon......there's an inside and an outside for a reason you know!!!
  • Bugs and dust bunnies make very nice house guests.......some are much more welcomed than family!!!
I share.....because I care!!! Have a beautiful day.......and don't forget......a woman's house is her man's castle.......make him happy to be at home in it!!! tee hee hee!!

Toodles!!
Stacey

7 comments:

Cheryl said...

AMEN!! Glad to see you are back from your disappearing act. I have missed reading your posts.
I do believe I share some of your cleaning abilities with you!
Take care and have a great 4th of July weekend.
Hugs,
Cheryl

Sabrina @Falling Leaf Woodworkers and Primitives said...

I AM LMAO.... I love this post... my new cleaning bible...LOL

lilraggedyangie said...

O my heavens woman ...i just choked on my doughnut laughing at your goofiness...gee how I missed you...so glad you're back! I too share those cleaning abilities , except I have special flip flops I wear when I drag my feet that are made to clean the floor , you so need a pair! Ill post a pic of them later just for YOU! Enjoy your day and the gorgeous Ohio weather! hugs lil raggedy angie

TheCrankyCrow said...

So what are your tips for cleaning coffee snort off a computer? Geezsh Girl - you made me laugh so hard I almost had tears running down my leg. And I'm thinking you posted this for me!! I just told my son last night to turn his socks inside out when he asked if I planned on doing laundry any time soon....(Hey - The Haunted Collector was on....!) Smiles & Hugs my funny friend ~ Robin

A Primitive Homestead said...

My chuckle for the day. I hate - hate to clean. My slaves are not cleaning either. Blessings!
Lara

Primitive Echoes said...

I am with you, I love cleaning as well. I have written down your handy tips and I will let you know how they work out.
To add a few. If you spray the hamper with febreeze first thing in the morning. You can just put their socks back together and save on a load of whites.
If you don't cook, there will be no dirty dishes. Pizza Hut has trained professionals for that. Or you can just put a plate on the floor and let the dog lick it clean, pick it up and put it back in the cabinet but make they are watching. You won't have to do dishes, at least until the next meal.

If you put one of those scenty bags in your vacuum and run it for a few minutes right before everyone gets home, splash a little water on your face, they will take pitty on the sweating mom of the house and maybe even carry in the take-out.
Don't wipe away that dust on the tv screen, save the planet one tree at a time and write your notes there.
if any of things back fire you can always sell the kids.
Kat

roseyred said...

You have the greatest domestic diva sence of fun girl.I have vever found the subject of cleaning so amusing.Thank you so much.