Friday, February 11, 2011

Just Me Thinking....

Do you wear your baggage for all to see? I think I do!!

As I’ve shared, I’ve been on a journey back to the real me!! Somewhere along my life’s journey….I think I kinda lost myself!! I have a wonderful family…..a great husband whom I love deeply…..our son is just the most amazing creature ever to me. I am living my dreams by staying home and creating every day….things that folks actually stand in line to purchase!! Still…….”I” wasn’t really me!!

I strive to be a happy person!! If you came into our booth at a show as a stranger…..I would most likely say something stupid and begin a chat!! I don’t think I have ever met a stranger…..perhaps a few strange people….but never a stranger!! :o) I can start up a chat with anyone!! But still……”I” really wasn’t me!!

Back a few years ago, I worked really hard and lost 40#. At the time I was fluffy, but after those 40#….I was quite the looker!! :O) It felt great…..and I gained back the confidence that had waned a bit and I felt in charge!! Shortly after reaching “goal” though, as it does for everyone, life kinda went wonky!! I took a job that completely destroyed me….and because I did not handle that well….we lost our church home…and with that a group of wonderful friends. At the same time….Rick went through some health problems winding up in the heart lab for a few days and also a hernia surgery. My dad had hip replacement surgery and following a difficult rehab, he collapsed while out for a walk resulting in another hospital stay. Life was on fast forward and I kinda allowed myself to be swept up in the chaos…..I functioned…..I did what was needed…..but “I” became NOT quite me!!

In 2006, Rick and I took on the “handy man” position at the condo association where my parents lived. One summer morning, I was on a ladder scraping a door way to prepare for paint when my cell phone rang. My mom was in a panic because my dad had not returned home from his morning walk. I went to see if I could find him…..I did…..and he had passed away!! On that day……..a huge part of me died!! I have come to realize that I feel guilty!! If only I had found him earlier!! If only I had picked up his paper on my way to the condos!! If only…….

After that day……I stopped being me!! I ate!! I don’t think I even get hungry anymore!! I am constantly thinking about food!! Even now….on this journey….every thought is about what the next meal will be!! It is getting better!! I know exactly what I’m allowed to have….exactly what time I will have it….and I am enjoying the plan…and enjoying the journey!! And…..it is working!! I am truly becoming me again...but not strictly because of the weight loss!! What I am losing is a lot more than weight!! I'm losing my baggage!!

The reason I share this is……are you there? Don’t we all sorta wear our baggage? Some of us scream and yell to hide!! Some of us alienate ourselves to hide!! Some of us spend too much money to hide!! No matter what we use…..I believe many of us wear it for all to see while trying desperately to hide!! None of us are alone.....what we are hiding from....isn't nearly as bad as we've created it to be!! As I've seen someone say, "Life is hard....changing is hard....ya just gotta choose your hard!!"

Well……I'm choosing!! I have packed those bags…..and they are sitting on the curb for pick up!! I want to be me again…..and I am me again!! That’s what I’m gaining while I’m losing my ash….and my cow calves…and my thunder thighs…and my boobs, but that’s another story!! :O)

So……do you need to lose it too…..in order to gain? Thanks for listening!!
Stacey

5 comments:

dee begg said...

Stacey,

Oh I so love your candor and wit! I am too losing some weight...not too sure who I will find once I do though. Sorry to hear of all your losses and struggles, but I think they help to shape who were are and what we become....and now you are becoming you! Congrats on sticking to your diet plan...it can be hard some days.

D

Falling Leaf Woodworkers and Primitives said...

Stacey,
Thank you for sharing this story. As an overweight mom of 2 wonderful children, I want to find me. I want to be able to run with them and just enjoy my life but I am having a hard time getting on track. Your story is encouraging
Thank you
Sabrina

Lorna/Live Oak Primitive Peddler said...

Thanks for such honest sharing Stacey. I too am struggling right now to lose weight. I have struggled most of my life, losing the same 15 or 20 a number of times. Right now I am trying to get on track and stay on track, difficult some days. Your words were so encouraging. I am not "me" when I am overweight. So I understand that too.
Blessings,
Lorna

Becky @ The Crow's Nest said...

You go Girl!!!! Take Life by the Horns and show who's the boss!!!!! Control your destiny and find the "YOU" again! You can do it!!!!!! TFS!
Blessings,
Becky

Cookie said...

You crossed my heart today and I knew it was time to stop and see what my friend has been up to. So glad I did - you always have a way of speaking to me clearly ... I know your strengths and your faith in God sees you through so many trials that others might collapse under. And you have been through some major trials lately....
know there are so many that care about you and are here for you, including me! Many prayers for you Stace... love you ♥