Do you wear your baggage for all to see? I think I do!!
As I’ve shared, I’ve been on a journey back to the real me!! Somewhere along my life’s journey….I think I kinda lost myself!! I have a wonderful family…..a great husband whom I love deeply…..our son is just the most amazing creature ever to me. I am living my dreams by staying home and creating every day….things that folks actually stand in line to purchase!! Still…….”I” wasn’t really me!!
I strive to be a happy person!! If you came into our booth at a show as a stranger…..I would most likely say something stupid and begin a chat!! I don’t think I have ever met a stranger…..perhaps a few strange people….but never a stranger!! :o) I can start up a chat with anyone!! But still……”I” really wasn’t me!!
Back a few years ago, I worked really hard and lost 40#. At the time I was fluffy, but after those 40#….I was quite the looker!! :O) It felt great…..and I gained back the confidence that had waned a bit and I felt in charge!! Shortly after reaching “goal” though, as it does for everyone, life kinda went wonky!! I took a job that completely destroyed me….and because I did not handle that well….we lost our church home…and with that a group of wonderful friends. At the same time….Rick went through some health problems winding up in the heart lab for a few days and also a hernia surgery. My dad had hip replacement surgery and following a difficult rehab, he collapsed while out for a walk resulting in another hospital stay. Life was on fast forward and I kinda allowed myself to be swept up in the chaos…..I functioned…..I did what was needed…..but “I” became NOT quite me!!
In 2006, Rick and I took on the “handy man” position at the condo association where my parents lived. One summer morning, I was on a ladder scraping a door way to prepare for paint when my cell phone rang. My mom was in a panic because my dad had not returned home from his morning walk. I went to see if I could find him…..I did…..and he had passed away!! On that day……..a huge part of me died!! I have come to realize that I feel guilty!! If only I had found him earlier!! If only I had picked up his paper on my way to the condos!! If only…….
After that day……I stopped being me!! I ate!! I don’t think I even get hungry anymore!! I am constantly thinking about food!! Even now….on this journey….every thought is about what the next meal will be!! It is getting better!! I know exactly what I’m allowed to have….exactly what time I will have it….and I am enjoying the plan…and enjoying the journey!! And…..it is working!! I am truly becoming me again...but not strictly because of the weight loss!! What I am losing is a lot more than weight!! I'm losing my baggage!!
The reason I share this is……are you there? Don’t we all sorta wear our baggage? Some of us scream and yell to hide!! Some of us alienate ourselves to hide!! Some of us spend too much money to hide!! No matter what we use…..I believe many of us wear it for all to see while trying desperately to hide!! None of us are alone.....what we are hiding from....isn't nearly as bad as we've created it to be!! As I've seen someone say, "Life is hard....changing is hard....ya just gotta choose your hard!!"
Well……I'm choosing!! I have packed those bags…..and they are sitting on the curb for pick up!! I want to be me again…..and I am me again!! That’s what I’m gaining while I’m losing my ash….and my cow calves…and my thunder thighs…and my boobs, but that’s another story!! :O)
So……do you need to lose it too…..in order to gain? Thanks for listening!!